Well, I heard that you're leavin',
Gonna leave me far behind,
'Cause you found a brand new lover,
You decided that I'm not your kind,

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex,
And I tore all your pictures in two,
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you.

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'.
I'm glad that you found somebody new,
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feelin' down in the dumps.
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love,
And I have to use the self-service pumps!

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't gonna break my heart in two.
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork,
Than watch you going out with other men.
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again and again and again and again and again.

Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'.

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches,
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two.
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with
my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you.

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks,
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue.
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor
blades,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die...
Than spend one more minute with you.