Hohoho woke up this morning
With a scary feeling
Realized it was november first
Christmas, oh my god it's nearing

"what am I to do?" I said
Then I covered up my head
Prayed for sleep for two more months
Until this holy mess is over

Wasn't that lucky turned on the tv
Beanie babies on the news
Biggest selling gift this year
What's a tired jew to do?

So tv off tried to escape
Called my friend from silverlake
Said to meet on fairfax for
Some coffee and a kugel

Talked about our fear and dread
Of tinsel lights and parties
Suddenly like a bad dream
Fairfax was transformed into a
Holiday paradise
Everywhere was hanukkah
Shiny sparkly blue and white
Isn't this a little soon?

I got up quick ran to the mall
Before my pain got any worse
What a stupid thing to do
I'm a sitting duck in santa's zoo

Suddenly I couldn't walk
I couldn't breath I couldn't move
Children running everywhere
Screaming 'tis the season

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
But I think I'll miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
But I think I'll miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I think I'll miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I think I'll miss this one this year

December first the pain's half gone
Thought about adam's hanukkah song
He forgot to mention me
That's ok his song was better

Photograph on santa's lap
I'm over my fear of shopping
Bought gifts for all my goyim friends
One for each not eight

Sorting cards from all my friends
Sweet of them to take the time
One pile for all the christmas cards
From friends who just don't get it yet

Hanukkah day on overload
I just can't stop eating
I've had so many latkes that
My toches is gonna explode

Thought I'd walk it off
And so I walked to the kabbalah
Center just to kill some time
I thought I spotted madonna

Christmas day hanukkah's done
Woke up feeling funny
'cause I have lost half my hair
And I have spent all of my money

What's a jew to do today?
L.A. is a ghost town
Looks just like another year
Of movies and chinese food

Then suddenly I laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
Christmas magic's brought this tale
To a very happy ending

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I couldn't miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I couldn't miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I wouldn't miss this one this year

Merry christmas
Merry christmas
I wouldn't miss this one this year