(Dolly Parton)

Backstory:
Tabloid prediction: Dolly Parton will announce she's falling madly in love with a 300 pound professional wrestler. She'll write a song about their relationship titled "Headlock on My Heart" and feature her massive muscleman in the video.

Dolly: Now this actually came out in this magazine. Now, you folks I'm sure buy these every week at the supermarket, right? And you know they never put anything in these magazines that's not true, right? So I figured since I was gonna fall in love anyhow, why wait? So I went out and I found me a 300 pound wrestler and I sat down and I wrote a song called "Headlock on My Heart" and I did a video. As a matter of fact, in the same magazine on a page opposite, there was a picture of Hulk Hogan. Now, I love Hulk Hogan. My Daddy's crazy about him, so I called Hulk, I said "Would you do this?" ‘Cause the song is a fantasy, and it's about a guy named Starlight Starbright. He said "Aw sure, I'd do anything with you, Dolly!" I said "Well, thanks, Hulk, I ought to hug your neck!" So wouldn't that be something if me and Hulk really wound up getting married? Watch this video...

Song:

The first time that I saw him
Was in a wrestling magazine.
Then I watched him on TV,
Then I bought a ringside seat.

His name was Starlight Starbright,
The greatest in the land.
He sprinkled stardust in my eyes
I was his biggest fan.

He's got a headlock on my heart.
It was a takedown from the start.
He's a master of the art.
He's got a headlock on my heart.

Spoken:

Referee: 300 pounds of magic right here in the ring tonight.
Starlight Starbright: Wrestling fans, big and small, who's the greatest of them all?
Dolly: Starlight! Starlight Starbright! Starlight! Starlight Starbright!

He dazzled ‘em with brilliance,
He outshined all the rest.
And I loved the heart that beat
Beneath his massive golden chest.

Spoken:

Dolly: In this ring, I thee wed.
Referee: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
Starlight Starbright: I do!
Referee: And do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
Dolly: I do, I truly do!
Referee: I now pronounce you man and wife.
Dolly: Uh, you may now kiss the bride.

He's got a headlock on my heart,
That it may likely never part.
He knew the ropes right from the start.
He's got a headlock on my heart.

Spoken:

Dolly: Well, it's a whole new arena for me,
But it's a whole new wrestling match for him.
I guess you could say he pinned me down for a lifetime.

He's got a headlock on my heart.
It was a takedown from the start.
He's a master of the art.
He's got a headlock on my heart.

He's got a headlock on my heart,
That it may likely never part.
He knew the ropes right from the start.
He's got a headlock on my heart.