INTRO: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis,
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world's biggest prick.

So three cheers for you will or John Thomas,
Hooray for you're one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, you're wife's best friend,
Your percy or your cock,
You can wrap it up in ribbions,
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.