Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams.
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means.
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear,
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air.
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare.
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere.

Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet.
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget.
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies.
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries.
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise.
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.
All right!

Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane?
Was it something I ate, or something wrong with my brain?
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur.
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor.
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door,
And I'm back in the very same place I was before.

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.
All right!

And I can't bust out, and I can't break free.
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me.
And I can't go home, and I can't get loose,
And I try to escape, but it's just no use.
And I can't ever leave, and I can't ever win.
And we're runnin' outta air, and the walls are closin' in.
And I can't go back, and I can't get through.
But Vanna, since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you?
Come on Vanna, come on!

Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again.
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then.
See, I'm coming home from work, but I forgot my address.
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test.
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest,
And I'm falling and falling, and I guess you know the rest.

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.