[Intro]
A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin' questions
A lot of people think that what I say on record
Or what I talk about on a record
That I actually do in real life, or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody, that
I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it
Well shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you
You know why?

Cuz I'm a criminal
Criminal
(You goddamn right)
I'm a criminal
Yeah, I'm a criminal

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
And I'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or les
A homosex, hermaph, or a transeves
Pants address, hey fags, the answer's yes
Homophobic?
Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin' in my jeans, watchin' my genetiles bulgin'
That's my mothafuckin' balls, you better let go of 'em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get ahold of 'em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me
And I was just checkin' the mail
Get it, checkin' the male?
How many records you expectin' to sell?
After your second LP sends you directly to jail
Come on, relax cat
I like gay men, right Ken?
Give me an Amen
"Amen!"
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Uh, please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute, while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher, preacher, 5th grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing
Cuz I watch TV on Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards
And to think, it's just lil' ol' me
Mr. 'don't give a fuck' still won't leave
I'm a...

I'm a criminal
Cuz everytime I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one


I'm a criminal
Cuz everytime I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed
The baby came out disfigured, ligaments in need
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cuz that baby was me
I'm a criminal
An animal caged to turn crazed
But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller but my balls got larger
I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
Then you'd wanna fuck me after sayin' a word
My morals went *pft* when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
From his own employee, now don't ignore me
You won't avoid me, you can't miss me
I'm white, blonde hair, and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes, and laughs, as long as it ain't happen to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined
(The maniac sent) In place of the doctor
Cuz Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
Oh, that's Dre, with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should kept that thing put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with an A
I'm a criminal!

[Dre] (Eminem)
Alright look (uh-huh)
Just go up in that mothafucka
Get the mothafuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there
(Alright)
I'll be right here waitin' on you
(Alright)
Yo Em!
(What?!)
Don't kill nobody this time!
(Alright!)
(Goddamn, this mothafucka gets on my fuckin' nerves)

[Eminem] (Bank teller)
(Hi) How you doin'?
(How can I help you?)
Yeah, I need to make a withdrawl
(Okay)
Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch
And I won't kill you
(Oh my God, don't kill me)
I'm not gonna kill you bitch
Quit lookin' around
(Don't kill me, I've got 2 kids at home, don't kill me)
I told you I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you
Hurry the fuck up!
*gun shot*
THANK YOU!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for 5 minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die bitches
Passed this scratched 'Vette
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You mothafuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I'll make it as
I'mma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask

I'm a criminal
Cuz everytime I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one
(repeat x 4)