Monty: Answering the telephone
Is not so hard to do
Once you know the secret
Which I shall show to you
What you say - that's the key!
And it's easy as it can be
You can say...

(RING!)

Bert: Hello? No, this isn't Ernie's ducky!

(RING!)

Monty: Or, perhaps...

Cookie Monster: Hello? You got cookie for me please?

(RING!)

Monty: Or...

Count: Hello, you are caller number one.

Monty: But don't say...(picks up phone)
Watermelons and Cheese!

Chorus: (dancing in) No, you don't say -

Monty: Watermelons and -

Chorus: You don't say -

Monty: Watermelons and -

Chorus: You never say -

Monty: Watermelons and Cheese!

Chorus: Puh-lease try a-gain!

Monty: This should be a breeze...

(RING!)

(answers) Watermelons and Cheese!
Oh, sorry!

Chorus: You could have said -

(RING!)

Bert: (with pigeon) Hello? Bernice, it's for you.

(RING!)

Chorus: A classic!

Cookie Monster: Hi, me can't talk now - eating cookies!

(RING!)

Chorus: Or...

Count: Hello, you are caller number two - 'a, 'a, 'a!

(RING!)

Chorus: You can do it!

Monty: (answering) Watermelons and Cheese!

Chorus: No, you don't say -

Monty: Watermelons and -

Chorus: You don't say -

Monty: Watermelons and -

Chorus: You never say -

Monty: Watermelons and Cheese!

Chorus: Puh-lease try a-gain!

Monty: This should be a breeze...

(RING!)

(answers) Watermelons and Cheese!

Chorus: NO!!!

Monty: Right! Jolly good! Not a problem! I think I've got it now.
You don't say, you never never say -

(RING!)

Watermelon: (answering) Watermelon and Cheese!

Monty: Unless you're a Watermelon...

Watermelon: It's for you! (hands phone to a giant swiss cheese)

Monty: Or a Cheese!

Watermelon: Ha ha ha!

Cheese: Gouda you to call ...