DR. SCOTT:
From the day he was born
He was trouble
He was the thorn
In his mother's side
She tried in vain

CRIMINOLOGIST:
But he never caused her nothing but shame

DR. SCOTT:
He left home the day she died!

From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was rock & roll porn
And a motor bike
Shooting up junk
He was a lowdown cheap little punk
Taking everone for a ride

CHORUS:
When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no good kid
But when he threatened your life
With a switch blade knife

FRANK:
What a guy!

JANET:
Makes you cry!

DR. SCOTT:
Und I did!

COLUMBIA:
Everybody shoved him
I very nearly loved him
I said "Hey listen to this"
Stay sane inside insanity
But he locked the door and threw away the key!

CHORUS:
When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no good kid
But when he threatened your life
With a switch blade knife

DR. SCOTT:
But he must have been drawn
Into something
Making him warn
Me in a note which reads

CHORUS:
What's it say?
What's it say?

EDDIE:
I'm out of my head!
Oh, hurry or I may be dead!
They musn't carry out their evil deeds!

(SCREAM)

FRANK:
What a guy!

JANET:
Makes you cry!

DR. SCOTT:
Und I did!

CHORUS:
When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no good kid
But when he threatened your life
With a switch blade knife

FRANK:
What a guy! (whoa, whoa, whoa)

JANET:
Makes you cry! (hey, hey, hey)

DR. SCOTT:
Und I did! (I did!)