Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
Once again it's onaka
The miracle of Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
One day of presents, hell no, we get eight crazy nights
But if you still feel like the only kid in two without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you, so here comes number three

Ross and Phoebe from Friends say the Chanukah blessing
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will & Grace's Debra Messing
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mix meat with dairy
Maybe they shoulda called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie"
We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller, and Jack Black
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back

We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow, I'm Jewish

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah

The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukah

Osama bin Laden, not a big fan of the Jews
Well maybe that's cuz he lost a figure skating match
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes, her mama's Jewish
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets with such precision
But the one thing they could not get out of - their painful circumcisions

As for half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one
And Marlon Brando, not a Jew at all, but it looks to me like he ate one
Gwenyth Paltrow's half-Jewish, but a full time Oscar winner
Jennifer Conelly's half-Jewish too, and I'd like to put some more in her

There's Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck, and Paula Abdul
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew School

Natalie Portmonika, it's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get an abtronika, on this joyful, toyful Chanukah
So get a high colonika, and soil your Long Johnikas
If you really, really wannaka
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah