I'm sittin' in my chair watchin' the TV
It's not even on, but there is plenty for me to see
I just lit some crazy ass shit
That my friend overnight-mailed me

I'm fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit I ever tasted
I think they fuckin' laced it
'Cause I'm so damn lambasted

Oh my friend over so packed him a pipe
I told him he better go easy on this shit
But he didn't believe the hype

He sparked three bowls just to show he could take it
Two minutes late he was playin' backgammon naked

He's fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit he ever tasted
He's lost in fuckin' space-ed
'Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted

Oh I spent the last two hours iding under my bed
'Cause I looked in the garbage can and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head

I'm fuckin' wasted

Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face
The bird laughed hysterically and started to moon walk all over the place
He tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak
He looked at the two of us and he started to speak

I'm fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit I ever tasted
My brain's been erased-ed
Well fuckin' fried

Now I'm sittin' in the bathtub wantin' somthing to eat
I wanted a pizza- the bird said 'uh, pepperoni would be sweet'
Delivery guy showed up four hours later, handed me his shoe
I said, 'We ordered pizza buddy, what the hell's up with you?'

I'm fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit I ever fuckin' tasted
Oh fuckin' shit

I'm way too baked